In the meantime, I dream of sunshine and long walks. Have I metioned this before? Well, I know I'm not alone.
Right now my days are made up of "muddling-through". Trying to remember that better times lie ahead while at the same time appreciating what I have -which is a whole lot:
I do love that little girl somethin' awful, and her daddy too. I am doing well -much better than the last couple months. I feel pretty good most of the time, though a bit tired, especially in the evening. My body gives up a little earlier than usual when I have to do my housekeeping job, too. I wonder how pregnant I will be when I have to stop. Some days at the end of the job I can barely lift Ray without really hurting my back, and I end up spending the evening in the tub after she goes to bed. Not a bad way to go, really, but my muscles seem to lock up on me in ways that they didn't used to. I am taking good care of us, and that helps a lot. Even though our money is dwindling, I do not take on more than we can stand. That is the difference between this year and the last. I feel happy, I am in love with my family, and so grateful to be adding to it.
However, the cold here is bitter, bitter, bitter still. It has a way of wearing at you. Stiff hands, chapped fingers, peeling lips -the things that make mothers old before their time. I see the aging of myself in the mirror every morning -the lines in the forehead that come from nightime money worries and daytime squinting against blinding white sunshine and frozen winds.
Any day now...I always remember that first day of the year that the temperature reaches sixty degrees. I miss driving with no coat on.