Sunday, March 29, 2009

Goodbye Jenny:

We said Goodbye to a friend here yesterday. Our dog was eighteen, and her health was quickly deteriorating.


We had her euthanized. I had very complicated feelings about the whole thing. The last year or so with Jenny was not good, and I was sort of at the end of my rope with the amount of cleaning-up that I could continue to do every day in addition to all of my other cleaning up around here, and at work. I was feeling tired of it, and so was she. My whole attitude was affected by it for a long time, and I think that wasn't good for the rest of my family. So now I feel a mixture of relief, guilt, sadness, loss, and regret that I wasn't able to be nicer to Jenny toward the end. I was just so tired, and we've been trying to sell this damn house for two years, so with people coming through here every week for that long, and a dog that pooped on the floor often -I wasn't at my best or my most understanding. I feel like a real jerk. I am trying to give myself a break on this, but every time I think about that dog I start to cry. I do miss her -I know my husband sure does too. Ray keeps asking: "Where Jenny go?" Then she says: "Jenny went home". -and we tell her that's right, Jenny went home, and she is dead now, and we won't see her again. She doesn't understand, but accepts this answer. We have been explaining "dead" for some time, now. I'm sadder than I thought I'd be. I think we did the right thing. I hope so. I don't know.

8 comments:

Bertha said...

Oh no! I am so sorry about Jenny. It sounds like you did the right thing, her health was poor and now she won't feel sick anymore. I am sure she knows how loved she was in the time she spent with you.

Paula said...

Thanks, Bertha.

Diane said...

Ugh, that's so hard. And so hard to explain death to a little person.

Angela said...

Of course you did the right thing...Its a very difficult decision and a difficult situation. Jenny had an aweswome life with you guys - Im sure she had never been happier, and now there is no more discomfort for her. It was definitely the easiest way to help her slip out of life...you definitely did the right thing. Please be happy for the happiness she had with you - she would not want you to be sad.

neaj said...

There is no one right way to act in any situation. You did the best you could have at the time (based on what you knew then, etc.). Don't sweat it- nothing's going to give Jenny back her health or youth, or life even, so why dwell in thet past when you only live in the present. I'm sure Ray has a placeholder in her mind for death, that she may or may not access in the future.

Well, that was brusque, wasn't it...

Paula said...

Thanks you guys.

MHuber said...

How sad about Jenny, I am sure everyone in your family is going to miss her. I want to share a link with you, http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

Siri said...

We have an aging dog here, too. It's definitely not easy keeping a positive attitude about it a lot of the time. We love her like crazy but she makes us both crazy sometimes (regularly) too.
Some days I'm at my wit's end when I wake up to both the mess she's left AND our 6 year old's sheets, blankets, and pjs to clean AGAIN, sometimes for the second, third, or even fourth time in a week, but that comes in phases, usually when we're busy, staying up late, and not getting enough sleep, or he's so tired that he sleeps extra hard.

Anyways, I hear you. It's not an easy decision either way and will always come with mixed feelings. We're facing similar decisions sometime soon, I'm sure.
Hope it eases over time.