We said Goodbye to a friend here yesterday. Our dog was eighteen, and her health was quickly deteriorating.
We had her euthanized. I had very complicated feelings about the whole thing. The last year or so with Jenny was not good, and I was sort of at the end of my rope with the amount of cleaning-up that I could continue to do every day in addition to all of my other cleaning up around here, and at work. I was feeling tired of it, and so was she. My whole attitude was affected by it for a long time, and I think that wasn't good for the rest of my family. So now I feel a mixture of relief, guilt, sadness, loss, and regret that I wasn't able to be nicer to Jenny toward the end. I was just so tired, and we've been trying to sell this damn house for two years, so with people coming through here every week for that long, and a dog that pooped on the floor often -I wasn't at my best or my most understanding. I feel like a real jerk. I am trying to give myself a break on this, but every time I think about that dog I start to cry. I do miss her -I know my husband sure does too. Ray keeps asking: "Where Jenny go?" Then she says: "Jenny went home". -and we tell her that's right, Jenny went home, and she is dead now, and we won't see her again. She doesn't understand, but accepts this answer. We have been explaining "dead" for some time, now. I'm sadder than I thought I'd be. I think we did the right thing. I hope so. I don't know.