There were things about my last pregnancy and birth that fell short of what I wanted. To be fair, I didn't have such a clear IDEA of what I wanted back then, but this time I do. I have decided that this time things will be different, and I will really not settle for much less than what I believe I deserve as a mother, and a woman.
There are aspects of my personality that I shelved last time, because I didn't feel that they were understood, or shared by others around me, and I allowed myself to be swayed by a way thinking about prenatal care that is way more clinical than I like to be. I loved my midwife, but the hospital system stinks. This time that midwife is no longer easily available to me, and my new provider is VERY obstetrical, which makes me really uncomfortable. In my region it is not typically possible for a woman to give birth in the setting of her choice, but I am working very hard to arrange something for myself. In the mean time I am enduring lots of very clinical care. Yuck. I am telling myself that I am lucky to have access to it at all, and that the rest is up to me. I'll just have to learn how to dwell within that system in my own way. What's helping me along is that I've hired a WONDERFUL doula. She is fast becoming a good friend, and making me believe that I can have the birth that I want.
With Rayona I avoided all herbs -on the advice of medical personnel -which is fairly typical. This time I am educating myself in the wisdom of generations hebalists and midwives, and taking some of the nourishing herbs that provide things like calcium and vitamin K. I will also be doing some essential oils, and aromatherapy in preparation for the birth -wherever that may take place. It is really good to feel like I deserve these small things, and that I'm not strictly governed by the opinions of the medical community here.
I've also decided to have a blessingway, which is something I wanted last time, but was afraid that my friends would not understand it. Now I've just learned to give them more credit over the years. I'm really excited about this, and I'm using my restless time before falling asleep at night to dream up all the things I want for that -as well as my ideal birthing environment. My mind's eye has been very busy lately.
I would love to hear any experiences that any of you have had with any of these things as well. I just really want to do things differently this time, and honor the process properly.